sometimes the word ‘bottom’ doesn’t actually mean ‘bottom’

“Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene…”


The above quote was from Mark Twain in his book ‘The Adventures of Tom Sawyer’ at the close of a chapter where the author chose not to disclose the further events of one particular awkward moment for the story’s main character. And if you as a reader would like to leave a “curtain of charity” drawn over my own humiliating scene I am about to share, please do :-) But if not, you can open it up and either learn from my experience (and not repeat it yourself) or maybe get a laugh at my expense. But either way, I thought this was just too funny not to post.

Here goes.

I am not sure when it happened exactly in our area, but the ragweed has bloomed or blossomed or blew up (not sure what the correct term is…) And the abundance of this unwelcome pollin in the air has caused crazy allergies for Rob and me. His misery began over the weekend and he finally went in yesterday to a clinic to get some sort of shot to help alleviate the symptoms. So when uncontrollable sneezing and watery eyes came upon me when I woke up this morning, I decided it would be best not to waste anytime and I scheduled an appt for a shot as soon as possible.

Rob had told me already that you get the shot in your ‘bottom’ and I really had no reason to question that statement any further. It made sense to me that the location he mentioned would probably be the best place (the one with the most padding) to stick a long needle in. I wasn’t at all bothered by that information and I didn’t think it was really that much of an inconvenience; especially if it meant I would soon be free from allergy agony.

After delivering babies (as most mommies probably can relate), I have lost all shame of naked exposure when it comes to medical personal. The birth of the twins really helped me kiss modesty goodbye in hospital settings because 10+ unknown people (who were required to be alert and ready in case anything were to go wrong with a vaginal delivery) surrounded me in the Operating Room, while below the waist was completely unveiled for all eyes present (if that is TMI, sorry) Plus my epidural made me high as a kite and the whole procedure was a positive one (and if you are really bored, you can read about that event here :-) if you are in want of something to do).

Anyways, when the nurse at my appointment told me to face away from her because the shot was in the ‘bottom’, I turned myself around. She didn’t ask me to drop my pants, but thinking I could just save her the trouble, I do so anyways (because that is what you would need to do if there was a shot to be given in the ‘bottom,’ right?) By the time I felt the needle go into my LOWER HIP (ugh! not my bottom!), it was already too late for me to correct the position of my pants. In my shock I sheepishly remarked, ‘um, I guess I didn’t need to pull my pants down at all” and she kindly agreed. How embarrassing!

It was even more humiliating when you hear what I was saying to the girls during these moments of humiliation. Dee also had an appt with the dr at that time to get some warts frozen off (right after the nurse was done with me) She was feeling very nervous about that and I wanted to help her not be afraid. I was hoping to help her see that what I was going through wasn’t so awful, so I kept saying, ‘look how brave I am’ and ‘see, this isn’t so bad’ But because I was in a very awkward situation with my pants unnecessarily pulled down to my knees, the words were also for ME, to calm myself as well.

So my apologies to the nurse who got an unexpected peep show today. Sorry. I just need to make it known that the lower hip and bottom are two completely different areas, if you ask me. And by clarifying appropriately, further mishaps like this could be avoided.

The end.

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One Response to sometimes the word ‘bottom’ doesn’t actually mean ‘bottom’

  1. Nicole says:

    BAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

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